Training Wheels

 I'm always interested in learning how songwriters are inspired to write the songs that they do and the meanings behind them. Sometimes the songs are autobiographical. Sometimes they aren't. Sometimes they have specific meanings. Sometimes they don't. This blog is about my song “Training Wheels”. This song is actually somewhat autobiographical. I wrote this song one night after volunteering to do sound for an event. That day, I had an intensely painful migraine. Somehow I managed to drag myself out of bed and do my part, but when I got home, I was too exhausted to go to sleep and my brain wouldn't shut off. I decided to write and get some of that energy out. This song came together very rapidly. Words just flowed logically together. It was one of the easiest bits of writing that I've ever done.

The inspiration for the song came from a conversation that I had had a few days earlier with a friend of mine. I explained that there seems to be a reoccurring pattern in my life. Every time that I invest time in anything whether it be a romantic relationship, a friendship, business venture, anything, once that person/project/whatever gets to a point where they are sustainable, functional, established, etc... They always leave my life. It seems like everything that I love gets taken from me or leaves. I said to this friend, “I'm not a set of training wheels.” Meaning that I'm tired of people using me to get where they want, then when I'm no longer needed, push me aside and someone else gets to benefit from my hard work. This situation has happened over and over again. Maybe it's my own fault for allowing myself to be used. Maybe it's my fault for not selecting the right people to associate with. I don't know. The answer still alludes me. What I do know is that it is absolutely exhausting emotionally and I have some serious trust issues because of this.

After I wrote this song, I was spending some time with my friend. I played this song for them. I was told that they enjoyed it very much and it was really good and I shouldn't change a thing with it. That made me feel great. I hadn't written music in about eight years. To hear someone that I care about and respect say complimentary things meant the world to me. I don't know if this individual even remembered the previous conversation (their memory sucks). It was still one of those moments that I live for. When you share a little piece of yourself and someone who is dear to you approves.

The truly heartbreaking thing about this whole thing is that the very person that I had this discussion with did just what I described. They managed to effectively push me out of their lives. The even sadder thing is that I don't even think that they realized that they were doing it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I refuse to believe that they would maliciously plot to hurt me. I'm going to continue to believe that it was just a matter of miscommunication and two stressed out individuals that were at their absolute limits. That's what I keep telling myself. Either way, purposely or not; it happened and it hurt like hell. So, here are the lyrics to the song:

I'm just an old set of training wheels sitting on the shelf

no longer useful I was left here by myself

figure she's outgrown me and moved on to someone else

no longer needs me and said her farewells

I'm just an old broken toy perched up on this rack

waiting for my owner to come back

(chorus)

outdated and obsolete

busted and incomplete

shelf life expired

quickly retired

holey and rusted

broken and busted

(verse)

I'm just an old faded picture matted in this frame

tepid and cold burned out old flame

I'm just that old worn out mitt hanging on the wall

seen its last it's game caught its last ball

(chorus)

outdated and obsolete

busted and incomplete

shelf life expired

quickly retired

holey and rusted

broken and busted

I'm just an old old set of training wheels sitting on the shelf