My Eyes - Blake Shelton covered by Jason Gerrish

Training Wheels

 I'm always interested in learning how songwriters are inspired to write the songs that they do and the meanings behind them. Sometimes the songs are autobiographical. Sometimes they aren't. Sometimes they have specific meanings. Sometimes they don't. This blog is about my song “Training Wheels”. This song is actually somewhat autobiographical. I wrote this song one night after volunteering to do sound for an event. That day, I had an intensely painful migraine. Somehow I managed to drag myself out of bed and do my part, but when I got home, I was too exhausted to go to sleep and my brain wouldn't shut off. I decided to write and get some of that energy out. This song came together very rapidly. Words just flowed logically together. It was one of the easiest bits of writing that I've ever done.

The inspiration for the song came from a conversation that I had had a few days earlier with a friend of mine. I explained that there seems to be a reoccurring pattern in my life. Every time that I invest time in anything whether it be a romantic relationship, a friendship, business venture, anything, once that person/project/whatever gets to a point where they are sustainable, functional, established, etc... They always leave my life. It seems like everything that I love gets taken from me or leaves. I said to this friend, “I'm not a set of training wheels.” Meaning that I'm tired of people using me to get where they want, then when I'm no longer needed, push me aside and someone else gets to benefit from my hard work. This situation has happened over and over again. Maybe it's my own fault for allowing myself to be used. Maybe it's my fault for not selecting the right people to associate with. I don't know. The answer still alludes me. What I do know is that it is absolutely exhausting emotionally and I have some serious trust issues because of this.

After I wrote this song, I was spending some time with my friend. I played this song for them. I was told that they enjoyed it very much and it was really good and I shouldn't change a thing with it. That made me feel great. I hadn't written music in about eight years. To hear someone that I care about and respect say complimentary things meant the world to me. I don't know if this individual even remembered the previous conversation (their memory sucks). It was still one of those moments that I live for. When you share a little piece of yourself and someone who is dear to you approves.

The truly heartbreaking thing about this whole thing is that the very person that I had this discussion with did just what I described. They managed to effectively push me out of their lives. The even sadder thing is that I don't even think that they realized that they were doing it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I refuse to believe that they would maliciously plot to hurt me. I'm going to continue to believe that it was just a matter of miscommunication and two stressed out individuals that were at their absolute limits. That's what I keep telling myself. Either way, purposely or not; it happened and it hurt like hell. So, here are the lyrics to the song:

I'm just an old set of training wheels sitting on the shelf

no longer useful I was left here by myself

figure she's outgrown me and moved on to someone else

no longer needs me and said her farewells

I'm just an old broken toy perched up on this rack

waiting for my owner to come back

(chorus)

outdated and obsolete

busted and incomplete

shelf life expired

quickly retired

holey and rusted

broken and busted

(verse)

I'm just an old faded picture matted in this frame

tepid and cold burned out old flame

I'm just that old worn out mitt hanging on the wall

seen its last it's game caught its last ball

(chorus)

outdated and obsolete

busted and incomplete

shelf life expired

quickly retired

holey and rusted

broken and busted

I'm just an old old set of training wheels sitting on the shelf

I Am Still Here

Even though you push me asjde

I am the truth that cannot be denied

Even when you open yourself to all that harms

And you welcome the demons charms

I am still here

When you've told yourself lies

And pulled the wool over your own eyes

I am still here

Even when you've rejected me

When you've refused to see

I am still here

When the world around you crumbles

When false prophets stumble

I am still here

When you've hid behind your masks

When you've refused all that I ask

I am still here

When all else has failed

And evil has prevailed

I am still here

Even when you yell at me

And we disagree

I am still here

When everyone is gone

and your last breath drawn

I will still love you

And I am still here

Folsom Prison Blues - By Johnny Cash Covered By Jason Gerrish

Patreon

Please, check out my Patreon site that I created. Patreon is an innovative crowdfunding site that was started by Jack Conte (half of Pamplamoose). It is different from other crowdfunding sites because instead of working towards a final objective or product. Patreon provides recurring revenue for the artist. Patrons can pledge any dollar amount (in increments of a dollar) starting at a dollar per creation. In my case, these are videos. If you were to pledge one dollar, I would receive a dollar for every new video that I publish. You can also set monthly limits for yourself so that if the artist creates more than your willing to spend, your monthly amount is capped. You can also quit at any given time. This site will greatly help me in pursuing my artistic aspirations and I greatly appreciate any support that you can give me. Thank you.

http://www.patreon.com/jaygerr

Poem Blog

When I started this blog, I had planned to post entries on a regular basis. Unfortunately, this has proven to be more of a challenge than I had originally anticipated, so I have been contemplating digging into the archives and posting some of my older writing. Looking back at some my previous writings reinforced my belief that any of my writing whether it be in the form of fiction, poetry, essay or song, is a snapshot of my life at that specific point in time. It also served to remind me of a few things.

Anything that I write is simply a snapshot of any given moment in time. If is an essay or blog, it doesn't necessarily reflect my current opinion or feelings. This especially applies to poetry. Often I would write about an intense emotional experience. I have difficulty verbalizing many of my feelings and thoughts. This is my therapy. This is my form of communication.

When writing poetry or music, you are limited in your time/space to express yourself within a confined structure. Sometimes this can spawn more creativity. You have find the exact right words, in as few as possible to express what you are trying to say. Sometimes, the medium that you are using isn't adequate for what you are trying to express and you need to explore other formats. Here is an example of something that I wrote about ten years ago called Staring at Boxes:

Staring at boxes and praying for hope
Trying everything that I can to cope
When I look out the window
Many tears start to flow 
There's something missing
All my time, spent reminiscing
I love her more than my life
I love her as my wife
At the table there are two chairs
Yet, my only company are prayers

Boxes are all I have of our dreams,
All of our precious schemes
One box has clothes that you wore
Some are scattered on the floor
Like the shards of my life 
Cutting my soul like a knife
I light a single candle, still
On the kitchen window sill
A lone beacon in the night
To guide you to my plight

Am I fool to go on like this?
Anxiously awaiting one last kiss
Burned in my memory forever
Is the last time we were together
So close we were to making it
You knew that I would never quit
Alas, the only remnants of you
Are boxes that are piled askew

Thank you for reading. Hopefully, I'll be posting more new material, soon. God bless.

Live Music & Southern Food

Come by for some Southern Food & Great Thymes with Jason Gerrish on guitar....Reservations are strongly recommended.

https://www.facebook.com/events/683931371656184/